Self-Motivation

I don't know since when I am so used to self-motivating myself in completing every single task in my growing up life.

It can calm and drive me crazy.
But I constantly regain and lose it.

What the heck is self-motivation? How can it drive you up and down in your life?
Undefined; it is a monster when it drives me down but my angel when I find and/or feel it.

I think it doesn't merely depend on your own self (which I call it Internal Factors), it depends on External Factors like people and environment. So why does it still call self-motivation when it is affected by external factors? It is because both internal and external factors build up the whole overall situation, in my opinion. No matter how strong the internal factors are dominating, one silly external factor can actually kill the whole situation. Hence, my conclusion is that Self-Motivation shows how strong your inner thoughts and spirits are towards defending and defeating external factors. And I constantly lose to these externals. The heck!

Tips I found online which I of course know they are useful, but how easily they can be applied? It all now depends on my internal factor.

a. Simply to be confident, focused and with direction.

b. Have a cause --> Have a dream, big one --> Be hungry --> Run your own race --> Take one more step --> Let go of the past

My problem now, I can't proceed my work if I don't get others to give me what I need. I am waiting for them to respond to me instead of me going door by door to ask for the stuff politely. Again, I have high expectations to these people but it seems like they let me down for all the matters that I am responsible in. Why is it my responsibility to keep you reminded?
I put myself in their shoes, I wouldn't like people doing that to me, constantly reminding me what I need to get done like I am a baby who can't even clean my own ass.
I put myself in their shoes, and yes I have other work to be done other than @.

But why not for once they put themselves in my shoes?

Hence, I hate it when I am dependent to external factors.
I feel bad for saying 'I don't care', 'I ignore you' and sort. But what makes me to say all these? When I am to pursue what I have aimed for, I am stopped and stuck. I am one frustrated girl wanting to achieve my causes and big dreams.

Should I ignore all these factors and overcome them by coming out with self solution and let them hate me in the future?
Should I rant and let them know how extreme I can be?

Yeah...
One thing I really need time to overcome and let go is my PAST.
I have experience; bad, really bad ones.
I DO NOT want any of the history repeats.

Why do I care so much about all these?
I think simply because I am a human, and a leader.